


Napoleon's Battle Plan

by jackmaybenimble



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-06-17
Updated: 2007-06-17
Packaged: 2020-11-28 09:07:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20964011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackmaybenimble/pseuds/jackmaybenimble
Summary: No substance, just silliness.





	Napoleon's Battle Plan

**Author's Note:**

> Set several hours after Someone's Going to Emergency...

“I thought the plan was to get Sam drunk and put him to bed?”

“Yeah.”

“Toby”

“Yeah”

“Your plan? Not that good.”

“I didn’t say it was my plan. It was his plan.”

“Sam made a plan to get himself drunk and be put to bed?”

“The man who claims to be your boss.”

“Oh. You mean Josh? Isn’t he your boss too?”

“He really isn’t.”

“Toby”

“Yeah”

“You do know that Josh is asleep, right?”

“I do in fact know that. Napoleon would be proud of him.”

“Do you think Napoleon was such a good strategist because he couldn’t see to wing it on the battlefield?”

“Wow. That’s really quite deep there, CJ.”

“Thank you Toby. That’s the first nice thing you’ve said in a long time.”

“You’re welcome. It’s also totally wrong.”

“That’s not why he was such a good strategist?”

“It may be why Nelson was a good strategist. Except that he wasn’t.

“I thought Napoleon was a strategist.”

“He was.”

“But Nelson wasn’t.”

“CJ, I swear to God –“

“Don’t get snippy with me, Phyllis, you’re the one that brought up Nelson”

“No, you brought up Nelson.”

“How much Scotch have you had, Toby? I was talking about Napoleon.”

“Not enough. You think you were talking about Napoleon. Nelson was the one with only one working eye.”

“Oh. So Napoleon was the one with one arm.”

“No, that would be Nelson.”

“Nelson only had one eye and one arm?”

“Finally”

“What kind of soldier has only one eye and one arm.”

“ Not a very good one. And also, a mythical one.”

“Nelson wasn’t mythical!”

“He also wasn’t a soldier! He was in the Navy!”

“Oh. Yeah. Trafalgar. Boats.

“That’s the one.”

“I think you’re wrong Toby. There are pictures of Napoleon with his sleeve kind of…tucked into his jacket”

“His hand was still inside the sleeve tucked into his jacket.”

“Really? What was he standing like that for, then?”

“Maybe he was looking for a nickel in his pocket, I don’t know”

“Wasn’t Napoleon French?”

“So you didn’t sleep all the way through History class? He was Italian, actually, but yeah.”

“Why would he have a nickel in his pocket then?”

“Shut up.”

“I think you’re wrong about the arm. I’m gonna ask Sam. SAM! SAM!”

“He’s gone to bed.”

“Where?”

“Funnily enough, in his bedroom.”

“Toby….I’m sitting against the apartment door. I may have had one or two glasses of wine but I think I’d have known if Sam had PASSED THROUGH me.”

“You really do have trouble with numbers don’t you? I mean, SAT scores, aside.”

“I got fine SAT scores!”

“Sure you did. Sam’s bedroom is 3 metres away. Do you know where that is?”

“Oh. We came back to Sam’s then?”

“Yes we did.”

“So we should probably..you know, go home at some point.”

“Probably”

“Toby”

“Yeah”

“Did we lose Donna on the way?”

“She’s on the couch.”

“Toby, I may be drunk, but that looks like Josh to me.”

“Funny. She’s in the corner of the couch.”

“Is that her foot in Josh’s hand?”

“Yeah”

“Oh. I didn’t think Josh was that supple.”

“Yeah”

“Toby, will you call a cab?”

“No”

“Please…..I’ll….I’ll…”

“Uh huh?”

“Well I can’t think right now, but I’ll make it worth your while”

“CJ”

“Tobus”

“I think you should walk home”

“I’m too tired. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?”

“CJ…your apartment’s across the hall”

“Oh. Yeah. That was smart, wasn’t it. To get an apartment nearby.”

“Genius.”

“Toby”

“Yeah”

“Take me home”

“Keys”

“Uh…they’re..no, not there. Maybe in this…no. “

“Catch”

“Ow. You throw like a girl, Toby.”

“Or maybe you just catch like one.”

“You found them! Thank you, Toby. Wait..you had them all along, didn’t you. Your just trying to make me think I’m drunker than I really am.”

“I’m really not. And the phrase is more drunk. Can you even stand?”

“I’m up. Kinda. Just don’t let go.”

“You’re cutting off the circulation in my arm, CJ.”

“Wuss. Where did you find my keys, Toby?”

“Inside jacket pocket.”

“Wait! Maybe that’s what Nelson was looking for! I mean, Napoleon!”

“Stop talking, CJ.”


End file.
